Monday, January 27, 2014

Who’s On the Throne?

My husband and I attended a great Christian marriage conference this past weekend. In one of the sessions the speaker was talking about how the heart and worship affects every area in our lives. Worship is our identity before it is our activity. He went on to say how romance is not the cause of a good marriage but the result of worshipping the right thing. Do we worship God Almighty, the creator of the universe or do we worship self? In other words, “Who’s on the throne?”

While he was speaking about how self-worship can negatively impact a marriage, my husband leaned over and said, “Boy does this apply to a narcissist like your Mom!”

As a narcissist, she continually has herself on the throne and leaves no room to share it with anyone not even the Lord God Almighty. She is the queen of her universe and the only god she truly worships. When she is reminded that she is not on what she considers her rightful throne, or not given her duly deserved adoration and attention, that is when hell breaks loosed for whoever is the cause or just happens to be nearby.

For many years, because of my Mom’s manipulation, control and fear she had instilled in me, I not only let Mom be on her throne, but in many ways let her ascend to a throne in my own life. Many times my fear of her was greater than my awe and faith in God.  I let my fears and peace-keeping at any cost put her on a throne intended for God alone.

Four years ago, I was blessed with a friend who, as she became very close to me, shared about her mom who is a clone of ours. What a blessing and support my friend has been in learning to deal with a narcissistic mom! She is a bit further in the process of healing, forgiving, setting boundaries and not taking the undeserved blame than either of us. One day, a couple years ago, I was lamenting how to deal with Mom when feeling like her current manipulations went against what I believed to be true. My friend wisely asked me, “Who’s on the throne of your life? Is it your mom or God?" Ouch!! Boy did that make me pause and think.

Since then, when issues come up, I try to, in the midst of the upheaval of emotions, remind myself she is not going to be allowed to climb unto the throne in my heart which is meant for God alone. I have purposed to not allow that idolatry to happen anymore! I still struggle with the dread, fear, panic and walking on eggshells in every encounter yet I also know my God is bigger, more powerful, full of love, grace, truth, peace and joy. She can no longer cause me physical abuse. Mom may destroy my sense of peace, my ego and my reputation, but she cannot destroy my faith and hope in Jesus Christ or my assurance of eternity with Him. 

I have begun to realize, that my taking her off of the throne does not cause her to become nastier. The nastiness is already in her heart. What I do or do not do does not cause the rages, the cussing out, the insults or verbal abuses. It is just what is inside her already leaking out.

This concept is illustrated so well in this passage of scripture.

Luke 6:43-45
43“For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, 44 for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thorn bushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. 45The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

So I continually remind myself the ugliness that spews out of her is from the overflow of her evil heart and not because of what I do or do not do. Do I like encountering this evil overflow, of course not! I so long for it to end, pray for a miracle or do all I can to avoid it. Now I realize and accept I must reserve the throne of my heart for God and living to please Him, no matter how much it ticks her off. If she wants to continually worship the false idol of herself there is nothing I can do about it. But to my God and to who I am in Christ, I must remain faithful and true.

May I ask you today, “Who’s on the throne?” Are you letting the narcissist in your life continue to rule or is the God of the universe ruling your heart?

Praying God grants you the faith and the strength you need to dethrone your narcissist.



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