Thursday, January 2, 2014

The who, the what and the why . . .

Welcome to our first blog post!  My sister Melissa made the mistake of allowing me to set up the blog, which means I was the one who jumped the gun and posted first! So, since I am going first let me spill the dirt on my sister tell you a little about ourselves.  We are two sisters. living far apart from each other who only recently found reconciliation with one another.  We were raised in a very dysfunctional home by a mother who was and still is a total narcissist.  We are not talking just a little bit "self absorbed" but rather a true NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).  Our growing up years were very hard and we were basically raised to have all our focus be on our Mom.  Any personal dreams, desires or aspirations any of us children might have were viewed as selfish and stomped out immediately.  Since she wanted the focus to always be on her, she did not want us being close as siblings.  She would actually do things to pit us against each other. We have two brothers as well . . . perhaps she didn't view our relationships with them as threatening, as I didn't feel she undermined those relationships as much . . . though I know if we were closer now as adults, she would have an issue.

Over the last couple of years, Melissa and I have definitely seen God working in our lives.  Helping us to identify what is truth and what is a lie, what is conviction and what is misplaced guilt.  We have realized we were never allowed to be the sisters God created us to be and are now trying to make up for that . . . at ages 50 and 55. We realize now how much we have missed out on.  While we are still grieving that loss, we are excited for our future together and look forward to many years of bonding time together.  Our reconciliation has not been met with joy by our mother, but we know it is right and believe God is bringing us back together.

Because of our upbringing, we have had many difficulties in relationships . . . we were shown an unbalanced example of marriage, where the woman dominates and belittles and the husband cowers.  We were shown manipulation and dishonesty.  Because of this, our marriages have suffered, our children have suffered and we have had difficulties in friendships.  Our self esteems have been destroyed and loving ourselves has been difficult.  But we are not without hope.  In fact we are overflowing with hope . . . we are daughters of the King . . . princesses, really.  He loves us unconditionally.  He sees our hurts and wipes our tears.  He tells us we have worth and value.  We are still on this journey . . . still finding healing, seeking love and trying to find forgiveness.  We are unfinished.  We are raveled and frayed.  But we are excited to see what God has in store for us as He brings us through this journey of restoration.

Over the days, months and years to come, we will share stories of hurt, pain and anger.  We will also share how God is helping with that.  We will share about our families both growing up and now . . . our marriages, our children and all the aspects of our lives that have been affected by growing up as children of a narcissist. We won't pretend to have all the answers or to have it all figured out.  But we pray we will give you hope, give you a glimpse of the grace of God and let you see that, regardless of your situation, you are never truly alone.  Thank you for joining us . . . please stop in often . . . let's share our hearts, our tears, our hopes and our blessings together.

With love and blessings,


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